Gratitude from the edge of the Spectrum

 

I have been reflecting on my first 5 months of blogging and tweeting about my journey with Aspergers.

My experience is quite different to what I had anticipated!

Friendships

I have connected with and become friends with far more people than I expected.

  • Their friendship, kindness and generosity has been a real blessing
  • Their openness and honesty is refreshing
  • They demonstrate a consistently high level of humor, kindness and intellect
  • All of which is quite different to my experience in the real world
  • For this I am grateful

Poetry

As I mentioned in my Literal thinking post, I was clueless about poetry in High school.

But I found myself instantly drawn to the micropoetry that was being retweeted into my Twitter timeline.

  • In true Aspie style, I googled and read widely about Japanese micropoetry
  • I even managed to find an academic paper on juxtapose!
  • At which point poetry actually made sense for the first time in my life

I started tweeting my own micro poems and was astonished to see them being retweeted!

  • Poets now represent a significant portion of my Twitter followers and those I follow
  • I now find myself composing poetry whenever I am out walking, especially when I am alone

I have also made some wonderful connections with Authors and film makers.

  • People who really inspire me.

 

It seems that kindness, compassion, poetry, prose, humor and intellect in general know no neurological boundaries.

For all of this I am very grateful.

My story

I created this blog to help others on they journey with Autism.

  • To set out a few lamps so others might see their path a little more clearly
  • Maybe feel a little less alone
  • Perhaps feel a little more hopeful

I also realized that my writing project would likely also be very cathartic and healing for me.

  • It has been and then some

 

But what I wasn’t expecting was the sadness, grief and at times despair that I felt as I reviewed my journey with Aspergers, particularly my childhood journey.

I did experience a sense of grief over my lost childhood when I first discovered I had Aspergers, just a few years ago.

  • I experienced this again as I started writing here
  • But this time there was a new aspect to my grieving

I was grieving the time I had ‘lost’ as an adult, with my family and in my career.

  • What if I’d known about Aspergers 15 years ago, 10 years ago, even 5 years ago?
  • What difference might it have made?
  • What if, what if, what if….?

Acceptance and Gratitude

The fact is that I have to live with and play the cards that I have been dealt.

  • I can’t go back and it does me no good to mourn or even count my lost opportunities
  • The cards that I have been dealt are actually very good cards!
  • Some aspects of Aspergers and ADHD are my Achilles heel
  • But in the scheme of things, they are a frustrating inconvenience that I can mostly work with (and sometimes around)
  • That said, working with and around Aspergers and ADHD is sometimes a monumental effort 🙂

I really do have so very much to be thankful for.

 

So I am no longer stumbling through life in quite the same socially confused daze that I used to.

Now when I do stumble, as still happens regularly, at least I can recognize it for what it is.

Before my Aspergers discovery, it didn’t even occur to me that I was in a socially confused daze!

  • I just thought I was somehow ‘different’
  • One of those people that just doesn’t have any friends but is otherwise ‘OK’

I now have most of the answers and a growing set of coping resources.

  • All I need now is the willingness to put forth the effort, sometmies quite a lot of effort
  • To be more focused and organized and then….
  • See how high I can fly 🙂

So I am grateful to have discovered my Aspergers, albeit late in life.

  • Others are far less fortunate

I am grateful for the friendship and support that I have discovered in the social-media Autism community.

  • I am grateful for the coping tools I am discovering that make my life more fulfilling
  • I am grateful that with an intellectual vocation, middle age and Aspergers do not rob me of economic opportunity
    • I believe that Asperger’s actually allows me to excel in my work
  • I am grateful for my health
  • I am grateful to have a wife who (most of the time) has the patience of Job

So rather than seeing a cup that is half empty, I am seeing a cup that is actually overflowing.

For this, I am so very grateful.

 

Thank you all for your friendship, kindness and encouragement.

 

3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. smuggybunny
    Oct 21, 2012 @ 17:12:50

    I like your blog.

    You have a clear unique genuine voice.

    You avatar is qoool too.

    Reply

  2. Mark
    Oct 27, 2012 @ 14:55:26

    Very successful people often attribute gratitude to their success. Particularly gratitude in the face of adversity

    Reply

  3. friendshaiju
    Nov 07, 2012 @ 14:58:24

    Good luck 🙂

    Reply

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